Atticus and Chad's Bizarre Adventure

Episode 1
Chad woke up and benched pressed for 20 mins then went over to his friend Atticus's house. He knocked on Atticus's door.

Upon hearing the knocking, Atticus went and opened the door. "Hey bruh."

"Yo bruh u wanna go fight some demons or something?"

"yeh sure, let's do it."

Chris, who also lived in Atticus' house, woke up and peered out of his bedroom door to see Atticus agreeing to fight demons with Chad.

"Welp, now I'm mad," Chris said, deciding to alter the features of his skin so they resembled Atticus'. "Hehehehehe," Chris said. "This disguise will be fantastic for the observation of the illegal activities those two big baddies are indulging in."

Chris snuck out of the back door and sank into a bush that had a full view of Atticus and Chad.

Chad detected a hazardous prescience using his McFarlane Evil Incorporated-brand Threat Detector.

"Hey, Atticus, do you feel like we're being watched?"

"By what appellation on the planet of Euclid does that individual go?" Chris asks, ambushing Atticus.

"omg, i've been ambushed," Atticus yelled.

"What the flip? Now there's two of me!" says Chad, visibly confused.

Chris, looking like Chad, chuckles. "What is the nature of the quality or extent that your consciousness arrives at this apartment?"

"Dude, can you like, say things without checking a thesaurus first?" Chad sighs.

He thinks to himself, Man, do I really sound that?

"My humblest apologies," Chris says. "What are the exact purposes you find Atticus is necessary for?"

"See, when you have one guy fighting demons then it might be fun, but if you're with a buddy there's less chance you'll be overpowered and murdered," Chad explained. "By the way, would you mind if I tore you limb from limb in revenge for ambushing my friend and trying to steal my identity?"

"Precisely, I would be in firm disagreement with that," Chris said, removing his identity concealment tech and reverting to his original form. "You can borrow this tech for your excursion, I will retire to my quarters,"

"omg is someone gonna help me." Atticus called out.

"What kind of tech we talkin'? Like Paragon-tier stuff or knockoff Alchem?" Chad says, crossing his arms.

"It is a heavily advanced technology that enables you to assume anyone's physical features. So I'd say Paragon-tier," Chris says.

"Well, you brutalized my friend so I'm gonna have to kill you and steal your stuff. Sorry man, but I can't let evil go unpunished, y'know?" Chad said.

"Sure, sure, go ahead," Chris says, smiling and oddly happy to die.

"Glad we reached an agreement," Chad reaches into his pocket and grabs a 12-kilometer long katana. "It's nothing personnel, kid."

Chad stabs Chris with the katana.

Chris pretends to fall over and curls up on the ground, playing dead.

"Man, sometimes it feels like my problems get resolved too easily," Chad remarked. "Let's go, Atticus."

As Atticus and Chris walk away, Chris' skin vanishes, leaving only his metal skeleton. Chris raises his arm and adjusts his gearbox. "There, now the dent on my innards will be less noticeable," Chris also takes out the katana and puts it in the pocket of his now-reappearing clothes. He then curls back up again on the ground.

Atticus and Chad arrive at their destination: an empty field.

"omg it's empty," Atticus noticed.

"omg bruhs," A strange figure says, emerging from the ground.

"Holy shit is that a fucking zombie?" Chad says as he readies his secondary katana.

“Bruhs...bruhs...give me silly bruhs,” The zombie says, drooling on Chad’s katana.

"Oh no, my katana doesn't work when it's wet and I don't have any spares," Chad says.

The zombie snaps the katana in half and grabs Atticus by the arm.

"omg not cool dude," Atticus said as he tore his arm away and punched the zombie in the face.

"Oh yeah, I can just punch zombies. Why didn't I think of that earlier."

The zombie disintegrated into a pile of ash. A goat arrived and lapped up the ash, only to mutate into a zombie goat boy. "I feel bad, bruhs," The goat says. "Mind if i joined you on your trip?"

"omg, no." Atticus yelled.

"don't be inerpropret," the goat says. "my name is Koa by the way."

Chad DESTROYS the goat boy with FACTS and LOGIC, his final and ultimate weapon.

Koa bursts into tears, which start flowing and carry Atticus away.

"Wtf!" Atticus yelled as the tears carried him away. "Are you really going to let this shit happen?" He yelled out to Chad.

"I don't want to go on another side-quest before fighting demons. Can you try and get yourself out of trouble for once?"

"Damn you," Atticus then began to frantically swim his way out of the tears, eventually reaching land.

The tears start flowing even faster, carrying Atticus down a mountain.

Chad pulls out a microphone. "Hey, Atticus! Why does your voice sound slightly different now?"

As Atticus fell back down into the now stronger flow of tears, he began to try and swim faster, parting the water in laps.

Distantly, he heard Chad call out to him and he tried to shout as loud as he could in order to be heard; "Idk! It just happened."

Chad is then covered from head to toe in the remains of the zombie ash and the goat boy.

Chad turns on his McFarlane Evil Incorporated-brand full body InstaWash to remove the layers of gross stuff covering him.

A bear appears and starts watching Atticus.

The bear is retroactively erased from existence.

An airplane appears over head, spelling out the word "HOW" in the clouds.

"Huh, didn't know they still made those."

The airplane then spells out, "Said how was the bear erased from existence?"

Chad ignores the airplane. He has more important things to focus on.

The airplane then comes in for a landing. A pale, bony creature with empty eye sockets, green pupils, and a curvy helmet through which two tan horns are sticking out exits.

"Oh no, my nemesis has arrived!" Chad yelled. "Whatever shall I do to stop them?!"

The creature holds Chad in a chokehold. "If you tell me why the bear was erased from existence pronto in full detail, I will surrender,"

Chad uses his powers to generate a temporary third arm and a giant katana within it. He stabs the creature with it.

The creature, gasping with his dying breath, moans, "Take my airplane! I'll get you, my pretty! And your little friend too!"

Meanwhile, Atticus manages to escape from the flow of tears and find his way back to Chad.

"Atticus, I knew you could do it!"

Chris makes his way up the mountain and stares at the airplane, wondering if anyone will get inside it.

"Chad..." Atticus said, "I have something I need to tell you."

"You... love me?"

"No!" Atticus yelled. "This!"

He then reached over and punched Chad real hard in the face. "That was for not helping me, bruh."

Chris tries hard not to keep in his laughs. "Chadicus life," Chris walks to the airplane and gets in the luggage compartment.

Chad falls to the ground. His weight crashing upon the ground causes a great tremor within the Earth, awakening the great demon Kekovenerson.

Fortunately, Kekovenerson will not emerge until Season 4, Episode 6.

"Kindly enable the physical airplane being of my own consciousness to create an acquaintance with your biological homo sapien bodies," Chris says, pretending to be the plane talking to Atticus and Chad.

Chad gets up and hears Chris. "Woah, dude, there's a talking plane over there."

"Precisely, I am a highly technological aeroplane with the amazing ability of communication," Chris says. "To what quality is the extent of the circumstances that has led to your excursion to my elevated landing surface?"

"Wait a minute, weren't you previously used by my enemy to create threatening messages in the sky?"

"The horrible entity you refer to as an enemy was placed in a state of deep depression after his much loved pet bear disappeared from existence, which led him to engrave upset messages in the atmosphere," Chris says.

"Okay cool. Can you fly us to a place where we can fight demons?"

At this point, Atticus suddenly collapsed from exhaustion due to going a week without any sort of sleep. Chad picked him up and began carrying him.

"It would be my great honor to do so," Chris says, deciding to adopt a more casual tone as Chad and Atticus board the plane. "But to be clear, I can't fly myself. You'll have to steer me. All I can do that normal planes can't is talk,"

"Atticus, can you fly the plane?"

Atticus does not respond.

"Eh, I guess I could fly the plane."

Chad enters the plane while carrying Atticus. He sets Atticus down in a seat and goes up to the cockpit.

As Chad takes off, Chris sneaks out of the luggage compartment and slices a hole in the plane with his plasma sword. Chris steps onto a seat and starts slicing them up. After slicing up several seats, he stacks them up in a messy pile and climbs down to the underside of the plane. Chris ends up losing his arms and clothes due to the rockets, but still creeps along the underbelly. The plasma sword being his last remaining limb by the time he reaches the nose, Chris sneaks into the frontal compartment and ejects the engine, leaving him as the plane's only motor.

Chad's McFarlane Evil Incorporated DangerDetector watch goes off, alerting him that an individual nearby is currently violating public indecency laws. Chad figures that it's just someone on the ground and not a concern.

Then, he realizes he has no idea where to go.

"Hey, Plane. Y'know where I should head to find some demons?"

The plane starts to fill with Chris' gelatinous goop, which spreads due to all the seats falling like dominoes. The seats knock out Chad and Atticus and cause the plane to explode over the middle of the ocean.

Chad and Atticus land in the ocean. Chad finds Atticus's body and begins carrying him again. Chad also generates 4 more arms and activates his McFarlane Evil Incorporated-brand ExtendoArms so he can build a boat from the wreckage of the plane.

Eventually, he finishes building a "boat" (actually just a big steel platform) and places Atticus on it. He begins to speculate as to what the Plane's true intentions were and also begins drawing up plans on how to get home.

Chris awakens to find himself on an island with his skin missing. He reattaches himself to his arms, laying nearby. Looking around, all Chris sees are mangled seats, a few plasma-soaked plane panels, and Chad and Atticus doing something several feet away. There is no visible land beyond the island.

Chad's McFE Inc-brand Threat Detector notes the presence of a humanoid exoskeleton on a nearby island and begins generating a wall to defend Chad and Atticus from an attack.

Chris slowly arises and turns his skin back on. He then runs towards the steel platform, jumping on it and sailing it far, far away from the island, unfortunately leaving Chad and Atticus behind.

Chad picks up Atticus AGAIN and carries him to the island. There is very little available material to work with, but Chad's McFEI-brand InstaConstruction devices are able to build a small wooden shack.

A hungry-looking vulture descends down and nabs Atticus' hair.

Chad kills the vulture and cooks it. It tastes terrible, but there's no better option.

The sun begins to set in the horizon, its rays reflecting some lush jungle that a sleeping bag could be made from.

Chad instead sleeps on the floor of his wooden shack to prove to nature he doesn't need any handouts.

The next morning, a bear is eating Chad's food supply.

Chad forces the bear out of existence.

A skunk then sprays Chad as he goes hunting for more food.

McFEI-brand Tomato Paste dispensers placed strategically across Chad's body and clothing activate, cancelling out the effects of the skunk. Chad wonders if he has any other paste-dispensing gadgets on his person, but figures they will probably deploy once he needs them.

Birds take all of Atticus' hairs out to build nests and he is constantly bitten by insects, giving him a disease. Atticus also enters a coma.

Chad uses a cloning device he found in an abandoned facility beneath the island to make a new Atticus. Atticus 2 is also asleep, but he still has hair.

Each Atticus clone proceeds to fall into a coma.

Chad uses the materials from the cloning facility to build a rocket ship. He uses the rocket to travel back home with a single copy of Atticus who is not in a coma.

All the comatose Atticuses revive and decide to hunt down Chad.

Chad offers them the space ship in exchange for their continued existence.

Original Atticus proceeds to fall asleep, but all the other Atticuses, including the one with Chad, self-destruct. This leaves one sleeping Atticus, the real one, on the island waiting for Chad.

Chad has decided he's had enough for one day and will now sleep.

That night, a mysterious force returns Chad to the island, where he is sleeping side-by-side with Atticus...

Chad wakes up on the island and makes note that he's gotta find a way back home again.

Episode 2
The rising sun and swaying trees are the only noises that can be heard on the island, as a coconut plops down and hits Atticus on the head.

The Chad wakes up and uses his McFEI-brand time machine to travel back in time to stop the coconut from harming Atticus.

* Giant purple poptart comes in*

"Excuse me what the fuck," Chad asked no one in particular.

* Poptart dances around*

Atticus eats the poptart.

A girl walks in, an angry look on her face. "YO WTF MAN THAT WAS MY POPTART"

Chad examined the strange creature with his Wellington Evil Incorporated Unidentified Entity Analysis Device. The device output read as follows:

POPTART (???)

HOSTILE - Unsure

TYPE - Foodstuff

COLOR - Purple

Chad realized that the device could tell him nothing more than he could figure out just by looking at it. He decided to slowly back away from the poptart and hope it would not murder him to death.

"omg let me out silly bruh not cool," The poptart says.

The girl cuts open Atticus and pulls out her poptart.

Atticus regenerates and shoots bananas at Chad.

Steve the Angel flies in "Chad have you seen my tennis net?"

Purple Poptart throws up tennis nets

Steve grabs a tennis net and sets up a court

The girl named Chira slumps over without her poptart magic and dies.

Chad presses F to pay respects, despite having literally no idea who Chira is and not possessing a controller.

Poptart dies also.

Chad is glad the potential threat of the poptart is gone, but wonders what could have caused its sudden demise.

Steve eats the poptart

Then Chris starts eating Steve, except he's a robot, so he explodes.

Chad decides that enough is enough. He activates the McFarlane Evil Incorporated jetpack addon for his Alchemilia powered exoskeleton. Chad heaves Atticus over his shoulders and flies off, far away from the island.

Reboot
3 Iunius, 19 ACW

It was morning, and much like every other morning the Chad had woken up and bench pressed for 20 minutes. After breakfast, he decided to go visit his friend Atticus.

Atticus lived in a barn with a group of adventurers called Team Demon's Light. Chad lived next door in an apartment building he had built out of wood and stone with his bare hands. No one else lived in the apartment as it was fitted with multiple redundant deathtraps to prevent entry by those below the rank of gigachad.

Chad walked over to the barn and knocked on the door.

Atticus opened the door, seeing Chad there. "What the HELL do you want now?"

"Hey there friendo. You up for some demon hunting?" Chad replied.

Chris Wellington watched from a distance, then ran over to Chad, unsure of his ulterior motives. "For what precise reasons are you on a ridiculous quest to aggravate and murder ruthless, overpowered creatures of a demonic phenotype?"

Chad was slightly taken aback but he quickly regained his compose. "It's fun."

"Acceptable," Chis replied. "So what is your story behind having Atticus accompany you on this quest, and can I have your permission to travel with you guys as well?'

Ignoring Wellington as usual, Atticus replied to Chad.

"Yeh, bruh. I'm up for it."

"Hmph, do not bring me with this simpleton ignoramus," Chris replied, going to work on his helicopter.

"Yeah whatever man. Atticus, to the Pigeon!"

Chad and Atticus went up to the helicopter pad on top of the apartment building. The "Pigeon" was actually a modified Alchem Corp miniature jet, which slightly resembled a pigeon if you were to squint at it from afar whilst slightly intoxicated.

Soon, they landed and a big demon showed up.

I am Azrail, a Greater Demon from the Age of Horrors,” the Demon exposited. “Who dares enter my field of terror?”

”Wait, you’re a Greater Demon?” Chad asked, as he did not know what a Greater Demon was. “Does that mean you’re like, a Bigger Baddie or something?”

”No!” Azrail roared. “It means I am more powerful than any lesser demon!”

“Uh, okay,” Chad said. He wanted to tell Azrail that he had basically confirmed that he was, in fact, a Bigger Baddie, but thought better of it.

"Utterly fascinating," Atticus said, staring down the Greater Demon. "So ur just a bad bruh."

"Atticus don't you're gonna upset-" Chad began before the Greater Demon cut him off.

"You dare insult me, Azrail, Greater Demon and slayer of a thousand souls?!" Azrail screeched, taking a giant golden sword out of his pocket. "As you humans say, you fucked with the wrong demon."

"Oh god, oh fuck, oh man. Fight him, okay?" Atticus yelled towards Chad.

Azrail looked down at them, "Who am I? One cannot put this answer simply." He turned to Chad and sighed. "I—" He choked up a little and cleared his throat. "I am your grandfather, Chad. Many years ago, I immigrated to Thales from Eden. I brought my wife and your mother as well. The process was long and arduous. Years later, your mother met your father and, soon enough, got married and gave birth to you. Thelsh officials wanted deamon youths to assimilate into Thelsh culture completely, so they took them away and gave them to native families. You were one of them. As for your parents, they died a few years ago in an angel attack. I recently saw you on the television and, well, I knew it was you. The eyes. Only a deamon has eyes like yours. When you came into my shop, I was shocked. I nearly broke into tears. I didn't want to tell you just yet because I didn't want to rock your world in such a difficult time. I am sorry it had to be told like this."

While the demon monologued Chad got out his shotgun. When Azrail was finally finished Chad said, "Sure, whatever," before shooting the big baddie and killing him.

Then Chris returned in his helicopter, and looked out the window, enraged, he shot at Chad, but Chad bounced the bullet back and the helicopter exploded.

Wen Li walked in to make a cameo appearance. "I'm too old for this." Wen Li walked off.

"Atticus," Chad said. "It is now time to destroy Alchemilia Corporation."

"Destroy Alchemilia Corporation? I have much experience in this area, but for now, I must attend bingo night," Wen Li yelled, skipping merrily away.

"I'll just shoot him in a fit of rage when we see him," Chris Wellington laughed.

"I feel that our world is in danger and we must fight the man," Atticus said solemnly, aware that Chad existed.

"Bingo!" Wen Li screeched at the top of his lungs.

The Chad and Atticus went over to the Laboratory of the Inexplicable. They were going to ask Samuel Brownlee and Richard Smith for help in the quest against Alchemelia.

Chad knocked on the door to the lab.

Then somebody called Wizard Octopus appeared and began writing on all Chad’s old posters.

"Hey wtf bro," Chad said, enraged. "That is totally unepic of you."

"Stop this ludicrous arguing!" Atticus demanded as he emerged from his - well uh, nowhere; he was just standing there -, looking to see Chad and Octopus Wizard fighting. "When we agreed to this, we were all friends. Now it's as if we're always at each other's throats." Enraged, he aimed his gun hand out the window, shooting Richard.

"Aw shit," Chad said. "Not again."

With great haste, Chad began to move himself away from the Laboratory. "Run, Atticus! We can't go back to prison!"